A year ago my world came crashing down. I received a text from my parents’ neighbor letting me know that she was praying for us. I immediately knew that there was something wrong with my dad. I called my mom and my fears were true. After being rushed to the local hospital and running some tests, they decided to send him to UAB. I remember the terrible feeling in my stomach after each call I received meant more bad news. I remember walking in to his hospital room on Father’s Day and seeing him hooked up to a vent and thinking why would God let this happen. I remember looking at my husband and saying, “I can’t live without my dad” and wholeheartedly believing that. I knew there was a possibility that life as I knew it was over and I just couldn’t bear it. God then gave me eight weeks with my dad to mature my faith and for me to see that his body had endured all that it could. And as extremely hard as that was to witness, it gave me reason for me to believe that He worked it all for good.

Before my dad got sick, life was good. I had everything that I had always wanted, so I began to push my faith aside. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved Jesus and spending time with Him, but I wasn’t devoted. God knew my faith needed strengthening. That it would take eight weeks to transform my heart to be ready for what God set before me. Death and unimaginable grief, but with a perfect peace that covers it all. A day hasn’t passed without me missing my dad or longing to see or talk to him. And I’m sure that will never go away until I see his perfect face in Heaven. Until then, still I will trust God and know that whatever that comes my way He will work it all for good. Romans 8:28

Dear Daddy,

Today is your special day. The day the Lord saw fit for you to enter this world and one day become my father. I will forever be grateful for May 17th. Thankful that the Lord chose you to be my dad. And while today seems unbearable without you, there is a peace in knowing the great reward you are experiencing right now with Jesus.

A flood of emotions feel my heart, but today I will dwell on all of the wonderful memories we shared. Alabama football games, beach trips, family dinners while watching “Andy Griffith”, our daily talks, and the nightly devotions you shared with us when I was a kid. You will always be the best listener and financial advisor. I even miss arguing over the last sweet or cupcake with you. I am glad for the sweet tooth trait, you passed down to me. Oh, daddy, I miss you more than words can say. People tell me all the time what a wonderful man you were and that warms my heart so much. You continue to be the most wonderful man to me. I know Heaven is a sweeter place with you in it and I can’t wait for the day that I see you again. Happy Birthday, daddy. I’ll keep visiting you in my dreams.

I love you,

Whitney

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

If you have a special memory of my dad, please share it with me today.

My heart hurts. So much sorrow and sadness everywhere I turn. Whatever you are facing today, you are not alone. I see you, my friend. But most importantly, God sees you. Come to Him, all you who are weary and burdened, and He will give you rest. —Matthew 11:28. As this world becomes more dark and dim, turn to Him.

Grief has hit me hard these last few weeks. Maybe it’s because reality has finally settled in. Life still goes on despite my daddy being here. Gosh, that’s hard to say. Some days I experience a multitude of emotions and I cry at the drop of the hat, but life doesn’t stop for me.

During the first few months after Dad received his transplant in 2014, he began having some issues with medicines and fluid. He was in the hospital for several weeks. We celebrated Thanksgiving that year in a hospital room by ordering a lavish meal from the cafeteria. It seemed like such an inconvenience; the meal and the environment. But as I walked by the open hospital rooms full of patients suffering from minor to life threatening conditions, Thanksgiving became more to me. More than just a good meal. More than shopping and great deals. It became more about giving thanks in the moment. For everything, good or bad, God has given and still continues to give us so much.

This journey is hard and everyday is a battle. I can either succumb to the darkness that grief brings, or I can see the light. When bitterness, anger, and self-pity try to creep in, I remind myself of one of my favorite verses: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8. When I see all of the things worthy of praise, grief does not win.

The holidays are something that I have dreaded. I know they will never be the same without my daddy.  But as I approach Thanksgiving with a broken heart, I am reminded of God’s promise. His promise and His presence  lifts me up and fills my heart with gratitude. Faithful He has been to me and faithful He will continue to be. Greater joy is ahead, my friend. Be thankful.

“So be truly glad.There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 1 Peter 1:6”

Artwork by: Andrea Howey

As a little girl, I would dream about my future. I would long for a glimpse of what it would be like to be an adult. Today, I am thankful that the Lord guarded my future plans in His keeping. The hard moments in life are just that, hard. So hard. And I am so glad that I don’t know the good or bad that’s coming for me, because I know that it would keep me from living in the moment. I wouldn’t be able to truly savor the good and grow from the bad. But most importantly, I wouldn’t be able to ever understand the power and peace that comes from truly trusting God and His plan. I am thankful that the Lord “knows the plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me HOPE and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11.
On July 4, 2014, I remember sitting in the hospital wondering what was going to happen to my dad. He was very sick and in need of a lung transplant. We didn’t know when or even if a lung transplant would come. A week later he left UAB, with no guarantee. Someone had to die, in order for him to live.That was a hard thing to pray for and to process. Almost four weeks later, he got the call for a lung transplant. In a matter of 24 hours, life sprang from death, and sorrow turned to hope. On August 1, 2014, my dad received a second chance of life. His gift, as he called it. Through organ donation, I was able to have my daddy here on earth for three more years. And it was in those three years that my family truly learned the magnitude of life and really living. We were able to enjoy and savor the little moments, and the big ones, too. Three extra years, that I wouldn’t have had. All because someone decided to give. Little did we know EXACTLY three years later, my daddy would die on the same day he received his lung transplant, August 1st, 2017. Those three years weren’t as easy as I hoped they would be, because with it came many health issues for Dad. But ultimately it gave me time. Time for him to be my brother’s best man and time for him to give me away at my wedding. And time for him to be my daddy on this earth.

I am thankful the Lord knows what’s ahead of me and I don’t. Had I known God’s plans, those three years would have been filled with more worry and bitterness, than joy.  The purpose of His plans may seem unclear, but He will sustain me. He knows best, and no matter what, God is good. His plans are good, always. I may not know what my future holds, but I know the One that holds my future.

If you aren’t an organ donor, please consider registering with this link below.
https://www.organdonor.gov/register.html. Organ Donation is a blessing of time to others, and a visible reminder of the life that can be attained through death.

James 4:14 says, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

I will never forget the moment my dad told me he had Pulmonary Fibrosis. My mom had just cooked supper and I was a 25 year old teacher, whose worries and concerns at the time was lesson plans and grading papers. All of that changed when Dad said, “I have something very important to tell you.” I think I knew in that moment that something wasn’t right. He told me that he had not felt well for some time and after a few doctor’s visits, he had Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. In disbelief, I asked, “What does that mean?” I knew what it meant, but I needed reassurement that there was treatment, but most of all I needed hope. This horrible disease wasn’t something new for my family. My dad’s mother, my grandmother, had passed away from it several years before. At that time there wasn’t any medicine or a cure, so in that moment my mind raced to the worse possible outcome. In fact, later that night, I googled IPF only to see my fears, come true. Pulmonary Fibrosis was a terminal disease. The only way to cure the disease was through lung transplantation. Anger, fear, and resentment swept over me.  I was in disbelief that this could happen to my dad and my family. It was on that day that I finally realized that bad things happen and no one is of exemption.

For the next two years, I watched my dad bravely battle the horrible disease. He went from working out everyday to carrying an oxygen tank everywhere he went. I remember one morning I went into my parent’s bathroom to borrow makeup from my mom. It was there that I found my Dad coughing uncontrollably. His face was so red and he was gasping for air. Fear swept over my whole body. I tried not to sound worried, but asked him if he was okay. After a few minutes, he composed himself and said, “I’m okay.” I could clearly tell that he wasn’t even close to okay. But that’s how he carried himself for five years. He bravely battled through his suffering with an unwavering faith in God and a positive spirit. No matter how bad he felt, God was still great and each day was a good day. It was his journey that taught me that my bad days aren’t really that bad, and that my suffering is nothing compared to the cross.

A few days after my dad died, I searched for some kind of letter, scripture, or note that he had written that I could keep and carry with me forever. My dad was always an encourager to me and I was really needing some motivation from him. After searching for awhile with no luck, I prayed for God to reveal something to me. The next paper I flipped over was this verse: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” James 1:2. It was another reminder to me that there is good in everything we face in this life.  Sometimes we have to search hard to find it, and sometimes it is right in front of us. And God is always there, to meet us with what we need exactly when we need it.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

When I was a little girl I used to say two bad words, War Eagle. My mom married my dad as an Auburn fan and for a very short time I cheered for that team. It didn’t take me long to realize that if I was going to be a daddy’s girl, I had to cheer for the right team, which was Bama.

My daddy loved the Crimson Tide. Saturdays at my house were all about Alabama football. Over the years, I changed into a little girl who liked Alabama to a girl that loved Alabama, thanks to my daddy. I made it my goal to not just watch football, but learn it. I knew that if I knew the ins and outs of the game, it gave me one more thing that I could share with my daddy. So that’s what I did. As I got older, I would watch and talk about the game with my dad. Alabama football Saturdays weren’t complete without a “Roll Tide” text and commentary throughout the game. If we weren’t watching the game together, then we were always giving our thoughts on the game, like: “Why aren’t we running the ball? or “Our line is going to need to block.” Before Dad got sick with IPF, I sat with him many times in his seats at Bryant Denny. One of my favorite memories was in 2009, when we played Tennessee. I remember right before Tennessee kicked that field goal I looked at dad and said, ” I can’t watch. I don’t think he can do it again.” We were on the road to a National Championship and everything the team had worked for was on the line. Dad looked at me and said, “He can do it.” And just like that, He did. I don’t remember much else about that day, except for the excitement we shared when it happened. And that moment is something that I will hold onto forever.

As I think back to that game in the stadium several years ago, I am reminded of my response. There was a potential for good that day and also for bad. Yet I doubted and ultimately covered my eyes so I couldn’t see the bad if it happened. Dad and I reminisced over that game several times and he told me that he too had his doubts about Mt. Cody. Yet he watched, while I cowered in fear, missing the sight of that moment. That’s what fathers are for, to show us strength and faith, even when we just don’t know what’s going to happen.

The last game I watched with my dad was the Alabama vs. Clemson National Championship game. I remember hoping before the end that we could pull it off, that we would win.  I could tell my dad was disappointed, like myself,  but simply said “We can’t win them all.” Even in Life, “we can’t win them all.” And some losses we experience in life are just harder to get over.  If I could write a different ending for that Bama game, I would.  But more importantly if I could write a different ending for my dad’s life, I would. I’m sure everyone could find something in their life that they would like to rewrite. But if our lives were truly perfect and nothing bad ever happened, no one would ever want to leave this world for a better place.  C.S. Lewis said that, “If we find ourselves with a desire, that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world. “

As Alabama begins their football season tonight, my heart is filled with sadness. A joy that I have had for many years, doesn’t seem so exciting anymore.  No matter what happens in life, just like football, we can’t always win. That doesn’t make God less powerful or faithful when we lose. It just makes us more thankful for a better time and place that is coming, Heaven.

Roll Tide, daddy.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28